Jon Giddings had always expected there to be a Sovereign FC revival. While there had been dalliances – the FA People’s Cup semi-final that broken dozens of hearts across the Wednesfield suburbs, Sam Lambeth’s 2015 testimonial that saw the retirement of Mathew ‘Chizel’ Hodson – there had never been a full-time return to the league. That was all about to change.

It was January 2019 and Giddings was keen to return to football. ‘After numerous tribunals against me at work, I needed to make some cash on the side,’ he recalls today. ‘Plus, The Apprentice had finished for another year and all of a sudden Wednesday nights became free.’

It turned out he wasn’t the only one eager to don the famous red and black. Ash Wiley had swapped mopping up the midfield for mopping up pensioners’ piss, breaking up fights between wrinkly patients rather than breaking up play. Plus, the fuel of football would provide the perfect tonic to get over his relationship problems. ‘The main issue was that I was seeing her,’ he says today. ‘I had managed to get away from Kirst for the other six days a week – lifting 0.5s in the gym, placing bets on who’ll do the rumba on Strictly, taking Ben to his clarinet lessons – but Wednesdays had become dangerously open. Football would give Kirst and myself some much-needed space.’

The stars seemed to align. Former manager and kit supplier Neil Jackson’s ban on Twitter may still be in force, but he’d completed his equality awareness test to play matches. ‘There had been some unpleasantness a few years ago regarding a woman referee and a popular TV show,’ he shudders today. ‘She put in a complaint. Typical wench…so when are you pressing ‘record’? Oh.’

The final two pieces of the puzzle were Frazer Evans-Mido and Liam Dixon. Sadly, the former failed a medical after spraining his ankle trying to remove his size 22 stretch-fit jeans. Dixon passed…this time. ‘I agreed to play for a short period in order to regain match sharpness, but I had signed a deal with Tivoli Gardens to be the Harry Kane of the Caribbean,’ Dixon explains. ‘Jon did my medical and noticed a slight bump on my back. We thought it was just a crease in the sheet so we didn’t worry.’

That was until Dixon received a call straight from Kingston. The team had been secretly tipped off by a ‘Tom Riddings’ that he was suffering from scoliosis. ‘My back could be part of Alton Towers,’ laughs Dixon behind pools of tears. ‘It turns out my back is crumbling faster than Pizza Express…and it might fold quicker than a calzone!’

Dixon vowed to play through the pain, of both his back and having Chris Caddick on the same team. However, the latter was enduring his own off-field problems. A WhatsApp message allegedly meant for Caddick’s wife – sample text: ‘I want to burst your quaffle and bludgeon your beater’ – ended up being sent to a baby. The latter pattycaked a complaint to the police and soon Caddick found himself in a cell. ‘It was actually a lot comfier and larger than the one Liv puts me in,’ Caddick says today. ‘But if Ched Evans can rape somebody and play in the Championship, surely a man who loves kids can play six-a-side?’

However, the team’s camaraderie helped propel them to the upper echelons of League Four. Over the course of the season, there were on-the-pitch moments that became unforgettable – in twenty years’ time, fans will still be recalling Matt ‘Pokey, Man!’ Palmer’s tragic passback. They will shout like Martin Tyler at Jon Giddings’ defence-splitting passes. They will cry and gasp in awe at Chris Caddick’s one-two. They will recall in shock Lambeth’s actual goal.

For the team itself, the bonding they achieved off the pitch cemented their quality. One particularly harrowing moment was when Neil Jackson had to be surgically removed after lodging his ample leg down a protruding manhole. ‘It was madness. All they had covered it with was a large, orange traffic cone. And a sign. And a 24/7 attendant who forcibly tried to remove me from the premises. I should have sued,’ Jackson says today. ‘I’ve got a metal knee, so the thought of my copper calf scraping against manhole metal makes me feel sick.’

There were moments of levity. Lambeth found love – briefly – and restraining orders – permanently – from three Cannock-based barmaids. New goalkeeper Cal Pascoe would cheer up flagging faces by ordering baby-sized espressos, causing chuckles from the lads and signs of excitement from Cad.

As 2019 draws to a close, the same set of boys have been reassembled for another hard winter slog. Little has changed – Wiley is still considering moving to Germany (though has rejected a coaching role at Hitler Youth). Dixon aims for a better life across the pond…in Reading. Palmer has promised to stay 20 feet away from all referees, even though he hates playing in defence. After so many years, what keeps the Sov coming back for more?

‘Loneliness,’ laughs Lambeth. ‘And the fact if I don’t show up, Aust might take my place.’